My Friends
by Now.Get.This
Summary: COMPLETE. Songfic. Thoughts the guys have after Dally and Johnny die.


_My Friends._

**My friends are so depressed  
I feel the question of your loneliness  
Confide...'cause I'll be on your side  
You know I will, you know I will**

I thought Johnny leaving was all it was going to take for me to feel this way. But now that Dally's gone too the feeling won't leave no matter what I do. I stay in and read, but there's still the thought in the back of my mind. The thought that Johnny isn't going to walk in the door any second and ask what I'm reading. I go out and end up at Buck's. And there's the thought that no matter how long I stare up at those stairs, Dally isn't going to come down. It's been a week since I haven't seen them. It's been a week since I've seen Steve and Two-Bit. Because they're too depressed to live anymore. Sometimes I stay in bed all day. Guilty that I still have the chance to live while Johnny and Dally are stuck in heaven. I don't talk about Johnny or Dally. We don't speak of anything that happened that night. Or the week that led up to it. Because when mom and dad left I didn't think things could get any worse. I didn't think I could really be taken away from Darry. I didn't think I'd end up losing more people. Soda tries to talk to me about it. But I don't say anything. Or else those tears will prick my eyes, and it'll never stop. Soda never cried though. No, because he wants to be tough. He even said so to Darry. 'If I don't cry and if I can get him to talk about it, he'll get over it quicker'. For once you're wrong Soda; I'll never get over this. Neither will you.

**Ex-girlfriend called me up  
Alone and desperate on the prison phone  
They want to give her seven years  
For being sad**

It's been a week without Dally, without Johnny and without Sandy. I feel stupid worrying over Sandy when there's another big problem in our lives, Dally and Johnny have left. We'll never see them again. Never hear there voices. It may not seem like such a big loss but never seeing or hearing Sandy again is bad too. She rang last week. Man, I thought she was coming back from the way she was speaking. She wasn't angry or happy. In the middle. I could tell she'd been crying by the way her voice was soft and she had to stop to take breaths. 'Soda, I need to talk to you' she said. As badly as I wanted to hang up the phone I didn't, in the hopes she might say she's coming back. 'What about?' I had asked her. I heard her take a deep breath and say 'I'm sorry'. Then we were both silent. So you should be I thought. 'Ok' I said. 'Really Soda, I am so sorry. I wish I could come back and see you but I can't' she said. And for a moment there I thought she really meant it but then I realized she's not serious about being sorry. Why did she ring anyway? 'Yeah ok. I'll talk to you later. Bye' I had said. I had to get off the phone quickly, I could feel tears coming on. She didn't say anything, then she took a breath muttered a 'Bye Soda' and I hung up. I didn't need her. I still had my brothers and Two-Bit and Steve. Maybe Johnny and Dally weren't here, but Sandy doesn't mater. I walked out of the DX the next night with two Pepsi's and a package of cigarettes for Ponyboy. When I got in he was sitting on the couch staring at the TV, I don't think he was really taking in what was happening. 'Here' I said and threw the cigarettes at him. He caught them and smiled at me. I put the Pepsi's in the fridge. This was my way of saying 'Sorry'.

**I love all of you  
Hurt by the cold  
So hard and lonely too  
When you don't know yourself**

The court case is tomorrow. I'm worried. Real worried. Ponyboy could be taken away, maybe Soda too. I blame this whole mess on myself. If I just hadn't of hit him that night he wouldn't have run and Pony and Johnny wouldn't have killed Bob. I saw his parents yesterday. I recognized them from the newspaper. I was going to say something to them. But they gave me a cold stare that said 'It's your fault he's dead'. Maybe they gave this stare to everyone but it made me back off. No way was I talking to them. I've tried talking to Pony about everything. His grades, Johnny and Dally, and everything else. It seems everything is messed up in our lives now. Well, really just Pony's. I know he's not doing well at school. He's only been back for two weeks and I try not to yell at him but it's hard. I just don't want him to fail school and not get out of this town. Go off and make something of yourself, is what I want to tell him. But if I do we'll end up arguing and he'll leave. Won't come back until ten. It seems that forcing him to do his homework isn't helping his grades. Nothing will help. There must be something, besides aspirin. I've caught him taking it sometimes. But I don't say anything. He says he can look after himself, than it's the risk he is taking. It's not just Pony I'm worried about its Soda, Steve and Two-Bit. I haven't seen them since that night, well except Soda. Everyone, besides me, has changed. Two-Bit is too quiet, Pony does nothing all day, Steve has anger problems and Soda. Well, I don't know what to say about him. He tries to make everyone feel better and he seems alright. But I know he's not. And I know why. It's because of Sandy. It's her fault Soda is, the way he is. I know he's trying to get over her, but I don't think he ever will.

**My friends are so distressed  
And standing on the brink of emptiness  
No words I know of to express  
This emptiness**

Nothing's right anymore. I used to go to school, work, hang out with friends awhile, go home and sleep. Then the whole routine would repeat itself. Now it's just school, work and then going home. School, work, go home and sit. Do nothing. No TV, no music. Just sit and remember that Johnny wanted a life. Yet, here I am sitting here wasting my life. I don't see anyone anymore. Yeah I see pony at school, nodding at him to say 'hey'. I still work with Soda, but it's not fun anymore. Chatting up the girls that come in isn't the same without Dally or Two-Bit around. Two-Bit doesn't come to school anymore and I haven't seen him since that night. I go for walks at night sometimes. Yeah, I've turned soft. But now that we don't have Dally or Johnny around, this Soc greaser thing is slowly coming to an end. We all threatened to kill each other at one point or another. But never did anyone think it would actually happen. We didn't think we'd ever be split up. Thought we'd know each other until the day we died. True for Johnny and Dally. But my friendship with the remaining four guys, I don't think it will ever be the same. If we ever talk properly we'll say something to remind us of Johnny. Tears pricking our eyes, we'll say goodbye and not speak for a month. If we walk over to The Dingo we'll sneak in the back way, Dally's way, and remember the last time we saw him do this. So now I'm sitting at home wondering what will happen in my life and whether it will end as soon as theirs did.

**I love all of you  
Hurt by the cold  
So hard and lonely too  
When you don't know yourself**

Well, this is heaven. Bright blue skies, sunny days, no Soc's, no greasers. No death. We never lose anyone, once you're here you stay forever. Heaven ain't the same without Darry. Telling me to stay the night and yelling at the six of us to come and eat. It's different without Dally to look up to. Oh he's here too but he's different now. More quiet, no anger. And he's just the same as everyone else now. Before he used to be strong, tough, and gallant. Now he's the same as any other. Without Two-Bit telling us he's lame jokes it's not the same. No Ponyboy to talk to, no Soda to make you smile and no Steve to tell the guy who's bothering you to fuck off. Without my parents it's not the same. I miss them. Not the yelling and hitting part. But the parent's part. They were my parents and I loved them the same anyone else loves their parents. They didn't love me, but you can't help who you do and don't love. I see Mr. and Mrs. Curtis and wish so badly that this is just a bad dream. If Pony, Soda and Darry knew I was seeing their parent's everyday they'd die. Actually I hoped they didn't die. I want them to live. As badly as I want to be back in the real world with them, if I have to die while they live then I don't mind. Really I don't. Just as long as they don't waste it, I'm talking to you Steve.

**Imagine me, taught by tragedy  
Release is peace**

**I heard a little girl  
And what she said was something beautiful  
To give your love no matter what  
Is what she said**

It's settled then. The last three weeks I've been worried that Pony would be taken away. Soda too. I don't see them as much, but it wouldn't be the same without them around. I'll talk to them more and it'll be just like it was before. Before everything happened. Maybe if I had of stayed with them that night. Instead of going off to get drunk. Maybe this wouldn't have happened. I blame myself sometimes. But then I think back to what an ass Bob was, he had it coming. I'm at home now, sure I'm supposed to be at school but I just couldn't be bothered, everything I see outside this house, somehow as Dally and Johnny written all over it. 'Dallas' is written on the bathroom walls at the school, thought I don't ever remember seeing Dally go to school. The spot where Johnny used to sleep in the lot is still there, besides the old car seat and pile of stick he used to make fire. The telephone pole that Dally made Curly Shepard climb up, still had Curly's switchblade sticking out the side of it, where he had put it when he tried to stand up. Falling instead. But now I heard the front door slam shut. I looked to see my sister taking her shoes off. She smiles at me and flops down on the couch beside me. I've been watching TV all day. It doesn't matter what's on, I don't care. Anything to waste the time. Then the news came on at 4. Grace was still sitting beside me. And it was the same damn reporter that told me Johnny had died. Even when I already knew! I thought about killing him. Hunting him down and killing him. Though he'd done nothing wrong except tell me Johnny was dead. But Johnny had done nothing wrong. If Bob had attacked anyone else I'm sure they would've stabbed him. Johnny didn't deserve this. Even Dally didn't deserve it, thought he wanted it. I came back to reality and felt hot tears stinging my eyes, making everything blurry. I felt a hand touch my shoulder. I looked at Grace and I could see her smiling. I blinked the tears away as she leaned over and hugged me. I hugged her, not letting go. 'You'll be ok' she said. God, I wished that was true.

**I love all of you  
Hurt by the cold  
So hard and lonely too  
When you don't know yourself**

Look at them all down there. Yeah I can see you taking that six-pack Two-Bit. They're lost without me. They don't know what to do. You know why? Because they always listened to me. Now they're still listening, thinking about me. Because I'm dead and they wish so badly that I could live and they'd die. I know they feel bad about living. So they should. Even though I like it better hear. I can do what I want and no one tells me off. I can go to Buck's and drink every last drop without him yelling at me. Because he isn't here. I can go to Johnny's house and wreck it. But no one will tell me off because Johnny's parents aren't here. I'll admit it. I feel bad when I walk past Mr. and Mrs. Curtis. Darry, Soda and pony would do anything to see them again. Those pictures on the hallway walls aren't enough. I feel bad whenever I see anything to do with the guys. I've left them and they can't stop that sad feeling from coming on. It'll be a long time before they get over it. Because they love me so much. Nah, I'm just kidding. But sometimes I stop and imagine what it's like to still be around the guys. Ponyboy playing poker with me, Soda and Johnny. Steve making rude remarks about everything, Darry telling us the foods ready. And us not being able to hear him because Two-Bit is so loud. Yes, I've changed. Here there is nothing to hate. There's nothing to make me angry because everything goes the way I like. That's what heaven is like.

**I do not own any of the characters used, they belong to S.E Hinton. I do not own the lyrics, 'My Friends' belongs to Red Hot Chili Peppers.**


End file.
